Gottman Couples Therapy
Built to help real couples stay connected.
Backed by 40+ years of research. Built to help real couples stay connected.
Whether you’re stuck in conflict, struggling to communicate, or simply want to deepen your bond, the Gottman Method offers practical tools that work.
What Is the Gottman Method?
Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this therapy approach is grounded in decades of research on what makes relationships succeed—or fail. It focuses on strengthening friendship, managing conflict constructively, and creating shared meaning.
How It Works
We help couples:
- Replace criticism with respect
- Break the cycle of defensiveness
- Build emotional intimacy
- Solve solvable problems—and live with the rest
- Create rituals, goals, and values that bring you closer
Using structured assessments and tailored interventions, therapy is personalized to your relationship’s strengths and challenges.
Who It’s For
- Married or dating couples
- Premarital partners
- Couples with high levels of conflict
- Couples who have experienced hurt, betrayal and infidelity whether physical or emotional.
- Couples who have experienced substance use
Whether you’ve been together 3 months or 30 years, if you’re willing to work, we’re here to guide you.
What to Expect
Assessment Phase
The Assessment Phase of Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a structured, multi-session process that lays the foundation for therapy. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this phase is crucial for understanding the dynamics of the couple’s relationship and tailoring interventions accordingly. It typically spans three to four sessions and includes interviews, questionnaires, and observational tools. Here’s a detailed breakdown
Prior to the assessment, the therapist will send the couple a link to the Gottman Relationship Checkup site to begin a comprehensive online assessment of the relationship. This will take each partner one to two hours to complete and the couple may log out and back in at their leisure until it is complete. This online assessment will need to be completed by the second session of the assessment.
In the first session, the therapist will meet with the couple together. The session will begin with the therapist asking the couple to have a discussion about the most recent conflict that they have had for ten minutes while the therapist watches and takes notes. During this conflict discussion the therapist will not intervene at all. After ten minutes the therapist will stop the discussion and the therapist will ask the couple a series of questions to gain a good understanding of how the relationship came to be.
The therapist will request that the online Gottman Couples Assessment be completed at least 24 hours prior to the second session to allow time to review the outcome.
The second session will be split into two 40 minute sessions where the therapist will meet with each partner individually to gain an understanding of who each person is and what their individual histories consist of as well as what concerns they perceive in the relationship.
In the third session, the therapist will meet with both partners together and will provide feedback of the assessment. This is an interactive session with both partners and the therapist collaboratively discussing the strengths of the relationship, the challenges of the relationship and the things that they can work on in future sessions.
During no time in the assessment phase will the therapist intervene in the relationship.
After the conclusion of the assessment the therapist will provide you with an accurate assessment of the state of relationship and the likelihood of the ability to repair the relationship. If the relationship is able to be repaired, therapist will offer next steps of intervention to include weekly sessions or intensives.
Intervention Phase
You’ve decided that you want to move forward in the repair process. Assuming there has not been infidelity, here is where we will start building on the Sound Relationship House principles. The therapist will position themselves as a coach to help the couple begin strengthening the relationship. The therapist will suggest conversations, bring interventions and interrupt communication right in the moment to stop the four horseman.
- Reduce conflict and negativity
- Increase emotional connection and intimacy
- Build friendship and shared meaning
- Improve communication and problem-solving
- Help partners support each other’s life dreams
Core Components & Techniques
The interventions are based on the Sound Relationship House Theory, which serves as the foundation of the Gottman approach. Each level of the house is supported through specific tools and exercises during this phase.
1. Build Love Maps (Foundation of the House)
Goal: Deepen knowledge of each other’s inner world.
Intervention Tools: Love Map exercises, open-ended questions, games to help partners get to know each other better.
Outcome: Improved emotional intimacy and empathy.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration
Goal: Increase positive perspective and reduce contempt.
Intervention Tools: Gratitude journals, daily appreciations, “I appreciate…” exercises.
Outcome: Stronger emotional bond and positivity in interactions.
3. Turn Toward Instead of Away
Goal: Encourage small moments of connection.
Intervention Tools: Bids for connection recognition, active listening, mindfulness of partner’s needs.
Outcome: Builds trust and connection over time.
4. The Positive Perspective
Not a direct intervention, but a result of successful work in earlier layers. A positive perspective helps couples interpret each other’s behaviors more generously.
5. Manage Conflict
Goal: Help couples manage conflict constructively rather than eliminate it.
Types of Conflict:
- Solvable problems: Require communication skills and compromise.
- Perpetual problems: Stem from fundamental personality or lifestyle differences; require dialogue and understanding.
Intervention Tools:
- Softened Start-Up
- Accepting Influence
- Repair Attempts
- Self-Soothing Techniques
- Dreams Within Conflict: Helps partners understand underlying life dreams beneath conflicts.
- Aftermath of a Fight: Structured discussion to process arguments healthily.
6. Make Life Dreams Come True
Goal: Support each other’s personal goals and aspirations.
Intervention Tools: Deep conversations about meaning, value, and long-term hopes; exercises to align values.
Outcome: Greater unity and support for individuality.
7. Create Shared Meaning
Goal: Build a shared sense of purpose and culture.
Intervention Tools: Rituals of connection, shared goals, family traditions.
Outcome: Long-term relationship satisfaction and stability.
8. Trust and Commitment (Pillars of the House)
Trust: Knowing your partner has your back.
Commitment: Choosing the relationship each day, even in hard times.
Intervention Tools: Rebuilding trust exercises (especially after betrayals), commitment conversations, “What makes love last?” discussions.
Marathon Therapy
A non-traditional approach to couples therapy that accommodates both locals or those out of town who have intense relationship issues that need to be worked through. Most often these session are between 2 to 3 days and between 4 to 6 hours per day.
These sessions are designed help couples work through issues more quickly and leave with the feeling that progress has been made in their relationship. Couples who are on the brink of divorce or separation find this the most effective model of treatment as well as couples who have intensive issues to work through such as infidelity or a major betrayal.
This approach is also effective for those whose schedules cannot accommodate weekly sessions. Couples who have experienced both traditional therapy and marathon therapy have found marathon therapy to help them make more progress more quickly. The downfall of this therapeutic approach is that when trust has been damaged, it cannot be repaired in a short time frame. Therefore, intensive issues can be worked through however trust will need to rebuilt over time and continued in weekly Couples Therapy sessions.
Couples Retreats
Couples retreats are scheduled annually. This is an opportunity for 6 to 10 couples to get away from their normal day to day lives with the purpose of strengthening their marriage. Because couples are able to get a reprieve from the daily responsibilities and stressors, the atmosphere makes it easy to have fun, rebuild trust, make new friends, create new rituals of connection and focus solely on your partner without any distractions.
Couples have the opportunity to attend group sessions daily that will include education and resources to understand one another better, increase communication, manage conflict and develop intimacy. Couples will also attend breakout sessions where they will have opportunity with or without the therapist to practice interventions and work through individual issues. Evenings are perfect opportunities to have fun, build intimacy and celebrate the progress that you and your partner are making. Couples retreats build lasting memories.
Retreats are held in a variety of locations nationwide including Hawaii, Alaska, Dominican Republic, San Diego, Florida and many more. Pricing for each retreat is based on retreat length and location.
Specialties
Affair Recovery
The Gottman approach provides a structured three-phase process for healing from infidelity from an affair. These phases help couples work through the betrayal and rebuild trust and intimacy. The three phases are:
1. Atonement
This phase is about acknowledging the hurt and betrayal. The partner who had the affair must express genuine remorse, take full responsibility, and answer questions openly (within healthy boundaries). This is often the longest of the three phases and cannot prematurely be moved on from. Key elements include:
- Honest conversations about what happened (without defensiveness).
- The betrayed partner expressing their pain and emotions.
- The unfaithful partner showing empathy, remorse, and accountability.
- Establishing transparency (e.g., sharing passwords or whereabouts temporarily).
Goal:
Create emotional safety and begin trust repair.
2. Attunement
In this phase, the couple works to understand why the affair happened, not to excuse it but to learn from it. They develop emotional closeness and strengthen communication using tools like Gottman’s Sound Relationship House.
- Discuss unmet needs and emotional disconnection that may have existed.
- Learn how to turn toward each other emotionally.
- Practice conflict management and open communication.
- Rebuild friendship and intimacy.
Goal:
Reconnect emotionally and deepen understanding of the relationship dynamics.
3. Attachment
This final phase focuses on building a new vision for the future and re-establishing a secure bond.
- Recommit to the relationship with clear agreements and shared meaning.
- Continue building trust and emotional intimacy.
- Celebrate progress and shared goals.
- Some couples renew vows or create rituals to mark the new chapter.
Goal:
Develop a secure, loving relationship with a strong emotional and physical connection.
Substance Use Recovery
In Gottman approach to couples therapy, substance use is treated within the broader context of the couple’s relationship, recognizing that problematic substance use impacts not just the individual but the dynamics and emotional connection of the partnership. While Gottman Therapy is not a substance use treatment program per se, it provides a framework for addressing these issues through improved communication, trust building, and emotional regulation.
Here’s an outline of how substance use might be addressed within the Gottman Therapy process:
1. Assessment Phase
Joint & Individual Sessions
The therapist meets with the couple together and individually to assess relationship history, dynamics, and substance use patterns.
Substance Use Impact
Therapist evaluates how substance use affects trust, emotional availability, conflict patterns, and intimacy.
Gottman Relationship Checkup
A structured tool may be used to identify areas of strength and challenge, including substance-related concerns.
2. Therapeutic Goals
Stabilization
If substance use is active and significantly impairing the relationship, the therapist may recommend concurrent addiction treatment or recovery support.
Clarifying Boundaries
Couples establish boundaries around substance use, safety, and communication.
Building Motivation
Encourage mutual commitment to change and healing—possibly including sobriety, harm reduction, or support group participation.
3. Intervention & Skill Building
Using Gottman interventions to strengthen the couple’s foundation:
Enhancing Love Maps
Rebuilding awareness of each other’s inner worlds—especially in the wake of emotional distance caused by substance use.
Turning Toward Instead of Away
Encouraging small bids for connection and acknowledgment.
Managing Conflict
Teaching gentle startup, de-escalation, and repair attempts.
Trust and Commitment
Working through betrayal or trust injuries related to substance use, using the “Atone, Attune, Attach” model.
4. Addiction-Specific Support
While not part of the original Gottman Method, many therapists integrate:
- Referral to individual addiction counseling or rehab.
- 12-step or SMART Recovery support.
- Relapse prevention planning integrated into the couple’s dynamic.
- Rituals of connection that replace past substance-related bonding patterns.
5. Rebuilding After Repair
- Re-establish intimacy, emotional safety, and future planning.
- Create shared meaning and goals in a substance-free or healthier context.
- Focus on rituals, shared values, and meaning-making post-recovery or during stabilization.
Invest in Your Relationship.
Every relationship has the potential to grow and thrive with the right support. Whether you’re in crisis or simply want to strengthen your bond, we’re here to help. Take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship—contact us today to schedule a session.
Please Note: Thrive is an out-of-network provider which means that we bill you directly. We DO NOT BILL INSURANCE. A payment source is required to secure an appointment and will be billed on the day of services. If you have insurance we can provide you with a monthly superbill to submit to your insurance company for reimbursement.
Pricing
Gottman Assessment
Assessment phase consists of three 80 minute sessions. These can be scheduled weekly or bi weekly. There will be an additional fee for the Gottman materials.
80 minutes
$320
Gottman Couples Therapy
Intervention phase consists of 80 minute sessions. These can be scheduled weekly or bi weekly. There will be an additional fee for the Gottman materials.
80 minutes
$320
Marathon Therapy
Marathon therapy consists of intensive therapy sessions typically four to six hours per day for two to five days.
60 minutes
$240
Retreats
Pricing varies by location and duration.
Call or email for more information.
Additional minutes are billed in 10 min increments
Our Mental Health Services in Maple Valley & Surrounding Areas
Proudly serving Maple Valley, Covington, Black Diamond, Ravensdale, Enumclaw, Auburn, Kent and the greater King County area, we offer specialized services to build resilience and stronger relationships.
Individual Therapy in Maple Valley
Work one-on-one with a skilled therapist to explore challenges, develop emotional resilience, and achieve personal growth. Our approach is trauma-informed, providing a safe and supportive environment for children, teens, and adults seeking clarity and healing, including behavioral counseling to address patterns and promote positive change.
Couples Counseling in Maple Valley
Strengthen your relationship with personalized couples counseling. We offer general couples therapy as well as the evidence-based Gottman Method to rebuild connection, improve communication, and resolve conflicts tailored to you and your partner.
Family & Group Counseling
Heal together through improved dynamics, conflict resolution, and shared experiences. Our family counseling fosters trust and intimacy, while group therapy provides connection and collective support.
Faith-Based Counseling
Integrate your faith into the healing process with faith-based counseling (available with select therapists). Our approach respectfully incorporates spiritual perspectives to support emotional and personal growth for those who desire it.
Integrated Medicine for Mental Health
Our holistic approach addresses underlying factors like nutrition, gut health, lifestyle, and neurotransmitter balance to support comprehensive mental and physical well-being.
Behavioral Counseling for Children, Teens, and Adults
Targeted behavioral therapy to help manage challenges, develop healthy habits, and improve daily functioning. Available for children, teens, and adults, focusing on practical strategies for issues like ADHD, anxiety, or behavioral patterns.
